Plate o' Shrimp

Ain't Missbehavin'

So—
My bad behavior continues. Today I was scheduled to lead a small group biochemistry discussion in a room in the library. The security guard at the door asked for my id and then pointed to the bottle of ice tea sticking out of my bag saying “are you bringing that in here” I told him I was but that I was not going to consume it, stopping short of telling him I had brought my lunch and it was all packed in my bag. I asked him if I needed to throw it out and he replied that I could bring it in but that it was a $400 fine (EC I hope) if I was caught drinking it. Jeeze! I live a twenty-minute bus ride away! What am I supposed to do.. buy lunch or subsist on water until I get home?!

SO then the small group which I VOLUNTEERED to lead. I know a little something about small group study. Just a little. My group of 8 was pretty quiet, with only 4 of them actually making eye contact and only 2 or 3 of them actually speaking. Some young women only talked to each other in whispers and were reluctant to join the larger group. Anyway, as I tried to guide people through the case people were giving one-word answers and most of my attempts to redirect were falling flat. The group had been complaining about “another” extra activity close to midterms. I could have been more patient but became fairly brisk-- if I didn’t receive a response to one or two leading questions I’d fill in what wasn’t answered and move on. SO I got through a 50-minute case study in 35. And then the two quiet women stayed and asked me some questions. The professor organizing the small groups, who is a good lecturer and who produces the clearest and most concise lecture handouts, is notorious for being somewhat cranky. He won’t start lecture until everyone is seated and quiet and often chastises the class for this or that. He came into the room after I finished with the group and asked where everyone was, and when I told him that we had finished the material already he got angry. After making a nasty comment he left. The two young women then thanked me for staying and going through the material because they “never would have felt comfortable speaking out in the group.”

Small group learning is really useful but it is not perfect. Forcing people to participate in a small group is a little like compelling someone to have fun. If they don’t want to play they won’t play. I got the cynics through in the material efficiently and engaged the people who wanted to spend more time. I did a good job dag nabbit, but left feeling like I had misbehaved again. I would like to lead more small groups, and I am afraid that the cranky prof running the show will just look at how much time I spent and cross me off the list.

What I have figured out I think is how not to fall asleep in afternoon lectures. Even the days I didn’t feel completely drowsy, I had been unconsciously tuning out more than I liked. We have about 4 hours of lecture each afternoon, and I was getting up at 5am, and studying almost straight through until lecture time. A couple of days ago it occurred to me that if my ear wasn’t getting better, perhaps I needed to start getting closer to 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 5 to 6. Then I remembered something my friend and former employer T. told me about how meditation could provide the same benefits of sleep in about a 3 to 1 ratio. So the last couple of days, I have been getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep. I found a little tree on a cliff overlooking the ocean. (photo at left) I sit there and eat my lunch.. just eat no books or flash cards in front of me. And then I just meditate for ten minutes, and observe the restless parade of thoughts going though my head. Yesterday an ant bit me on my ass, but I sat. And I was awake and alert all though lecture, went back to my room, ate dinner and hit the books for another 4 hours, no constant noshing, not restless fidgeting with my computer or room. I just hit it.

When I respond best, the most efficiently to the stresses of med school, it seems like I don’t have time for my old dysfunctional stress habits.. I just need to be too efficient. Doesn’t mean I have dropped all my bad habits (being a former British protectorate the cookies are McVitties and the chocolate is Cadbury—and don’t get me started about the Grenadian produced organic dark chocolate---- oh my freakin god) But I haven’t had a bit of alcohol since I came and I am more and more aware of what I eat and why I eat it and how I feel afterward. Granted those are lessons I have learned before, but I am learning them again. Now if I can just talk myself into times for walks until I can swim again…… ☺

posted by Sa @ 6:37 PM