Plate o' Shrimp

Rollercoaster

Yesterday afternoon I was happier than I have been in years. Lecture was great, Dr. M a visiting lecturer from Virginia, was reviewing material and putting it all together so that those “ah hah” moments just flowed together—I remembered why I was here, why I had torn up my life and left all my friends, I found my love of science, and the knowledge that I could use, could apply that knowledge in direct service. I had also found out that a classmate of mine from Nigeria, U, is interested in the same specialty that I am—Infectious disease. I felt this sense of validation that I was in the right place meeting people who shared my interests and passions.

Then I came home. I got my email. The SGU tutoring center coordinator intimated that he wouldn’t be able to hire me over the summer. I started to worry about where I would live, how I would make $$ for the amount of time I was not in school (three months this summer). And that feeling that I am just not studying enough—will never catch up, also started to push down one me. I started comparing myself to my classmates, and was sure that they are studying more/harder/better/ than I am.
I just guttered out emotionally, started to pace around my room and look for what I could eat—which in this case was about a half box of multi grain wheat thins.

So, obviously, my old demons still haunt me. Fortunately I was able to catch myself. I watched a TV show (downloaded lost, what can I say?) but then forced—and I mean forced-- myself to go to a yoga class. It was up on campus. I took my books. I stretched and sweated and felt much better after class, studied a little—made a new itunes mix to listen to on the bus on the way home. I still feel that old shadow of depression lurking behind my eyes and in a few soft corners of my heart this morning. The sweet has a little bitter to it today. But I move on.

posted by Sa @ 8:26 AM