A note about Shade
A few of you have had questions about Shade and about how she is and how the treatment will affect her.
First of all let me reassure all of you that it is not my intent to prolong her suffering through invasive treatments. The chemo she is set to receive is supposed to have few if any side affects that are often seen in humans. If the treatment recommended would have caused her anything more than minor discomfort, I would have made a different choice and worked to make sure that she was comfortable until she could no longer be made comfortable and then provide her with a peaceful exit. Indeed, there will come a time when the chemo is no longer effective and that will be the general game plan.
Some of you have also politely asked how I knew there was something wrong if she was acting so normal. Shade has had a few minor instances of vaginal bleeding, no more than you would see with a dog in heat but then again Shade has not had a uterus in 12 years. So investigations were made, and the pathology confirmed.
She has learned to work on Mary and Magda quite nicely who are willing share things like morsels of bacon and steak. I will probably have to change her name to Botulism because she is getting so spoiled here. Walking around downtown Palo Alto with her is like traveling with a rockstar, with many folks admiring her obvious cuteness. And of course, there is all this wonderful California grass for rolling, much better than Greneda. All is well
Japan town with Mr. F.
Several of my heartfelt desires were met last night when I drove undulating bay hills of highway 280 as the fog rolled over the crest of the peninsula’s spine to the city (San Francisco for the unenlightened) and got to spend the evening trolling around Japantown with Dan. THE Dan of the shoe blog fame. and he brought the twins, the lovely Clarkes that he lovingly blogs about at:
http://www.danfinearts.com/Site/The%20Shoe%20Blog/The%20Shoe%20Blog.htmlWell Dan, the twins and I had quite an adventure. I was searching for a wedding gift for a friend, but the shop we were interested in closed almost as soon as we got there so we had to content ourselves with the Japantown version of the dollar store. Dan, who I have know for more than 20 years and who shares with me some friends I have known for more than 25 years (what up Jonathan? glad to hear you read the blog) also spent a year or more in Japan during his well spent youth. He was looking for hello kitty moonbeam pies I believe and found the motherload of Pocky sticks.
What are Pocky sticks you might ask? Pocky sticks are the chocolate diped cracker sticks I became obsessed with in Japan. And they have branched out since I left. Aside from the classic chocolate version, there was Tahitian vanilla Pocky, strawberry Pocky, chocolate coconut and almond crunch Pocky, and “men”s” Pocky. And then there was the Sanrio store. I am now the proud owner of a Hello Kitty Pez dispenser.
There were shops full of the strange and familiar objects of Japan. Dan happily understands that eating Japanese does not necessarily mean sushi (not that sushi is bad, just that there is so much more!) and Dan slurped his soba (appropriately) while I broke my carb fast for a lovely bowl of udon.
And walking between buildings I actually got chilly once or twice, a novel experience I often dreamed of in Grenada. Dan kept on asking me if Medical school was making me happy and I had to confess it was. If not precisely happy at all times, I feel damn lucky to have gotten to do this at this point in my life and sure that I am on the right path for me. I know that not everyone gets that lucky, so I am grateful. But it is good to be back in the states, a little easier everyday to see myself living in Brooklyn, and lovely to connect with old friends.
I have some sad news about Shade, my friend and companion of almost thirteen years. Although we are waiting for a final pathology report to confirm it, she most likely has transitional cell carcinoma of the bladder and urethra. The good news is there are some treatment options that will not cause her to suffer but that will extend her life for a year, perhaps two. After a long talk with my Mom and the blessings of her partner Magda, I have decided to leave Shade with them for the fall term. Although I want to keep her close to me now that I am more forcefully reminded that I have limited time with her, she will have better continuity of care here, not be subjected to the stress of travel as well as live in a cooler climate with folks who are home most of the day and who can monitor her more closely.
For her part, her energy level is normal and she is in no pain. We went on a lovely three mile walk the other day. There is lots of cool grass to roll in Palo Alto and she is making friends with a Bichon in the building. She still keeps a close watch on me., as that is her job. We will miss each other while I am in Grenada, but I am confident that I will return to a dog who is still in relatively good health who I can love up for as long as she is healthy and comfortable in this world.
On The Road
It is one of those clear and cool New Mexico mornings. The air is dry and smells of the good adobe earth sage and chamisa. I am sitting in my friends stunning lovely guest house in Tesuque, a small cottonwood choked community a small winding dirt road banked by tall adobe walls that shelter either humble family homes or the large elegant adobe manses sheltering some of the finest art collections in the country—so I know I am not in Grenada.
I am sipping tea and listening to Scott Simon on national public radio. And I am actually listening to the radio, not to a downloaded podcast. I cried like a baby when Scott Simon talked of traveling to China with his wife and first daughter to adopt a little baby girl, Shade looking at me, cocking her head to the side and doing her best imitation of the RCA radio dog. If she was stressed by her journeys to get here, 8 hours in her crate on the Grenada to Miami leg and a stunning 11 hours in her crate on the Miami to New Mexico leg two days later, she did not show it in any way. I would leave a barky shivering dog in the crate and receive a calm and instantly happy bouncy dog as soon as she was released from her kennel.
I did not stay in the Miami of the sleek south beach nightclubs and trendy restaurants. I stayed in Miami Springs, a suburb near the airport built in the 30s.. and explored the local malls, strip and outlet alike, ate my meals at chain restaurants and had a day or two on my own to absorb the busy onslaught that is life in a major metropolitan area in the US. The great wash that is commercial life of the US seemed to flow over me in waves. Not unlike re-entering the world after a Meditation retreat, I was acutely aware of how consistent and forceful is the tide of commercial stimulation in the US. (“What did you expect”, a friend later said, “you are back in a fascist corporate capitalist state.” Ahh.. it is good to be home….) My SGU friend Natalie baby sat Shade for a few days and put her on the plane with her own dog Sunny, and followed us to Miami the next day. It was great to have someone to help share the expenses and dog transport duties with. Natalie, like me a left handed Grenada driver, remained calm when I wondered out loud if I was driving on the correct side of the road and shared my joy in the simple pleasures of walking around a Walgreen’s and being able to get a Starbuck’s coffee.
But luckily here in New Mexico I can do better than the chains. Arriving late I stayed in Albuquerque with Chris and Lisa and got to go to my old favorite the Flying Star for breakfast. Eggs and good coffee and homemade green chile turkey sausage.. the simple choice following a plethora of choices that I would never see in Grenada. Clear clear clear blue skies. Hipster Central Avenue in Albuquerque, replete with rocket scientists and homeless heroine addicts alike. I wanted to crawl into the bakery case and take a nap or alternately order one of everything. Talking with Lisa and Chris it was is I had never left yet I know I am somehow essentially changed and essentially more myself than I have ever been. It is good to be Sa again. My SGU friends know me as Sarah. Ironic that now I am answering to two names again.
Shade has found many patches of cool green grass to roll in. She seems happy to be here but keeps a close eye on me. Mommy is traveling and needs extra close watching. I can’t argue with her.. I feel better with her keeping an eye on me, she helps me feel like I am home.
