Plate o' Shrimp

OTA statistics conclusively demonstrate......

Now that I am a second term medical student and now that I am taking I am taking neuro-anatomy, I feel fully and completely qualified to identify new psycho-social disorders.

The first disorder is BPDMS or Bipolar Disorder of the Medical Student in which the affected patient becomes first convinced that they will fail all their classes and have to return home in disgrace followed rapidly by a feeling of euphoria and enlightenment accompanied by fantasies of telling their mothers that they earned straight As that term. These mood swings follow each other rapidly, often cycle several times within the course of a one hour lecture.

There seems to be a statistical correlation that indicates sufferers of BPDMS later developing ADDP, or Attention Deficit Disorder Of The Physician, a condition that manifests itself in a permanently distracted state, the inability to discuss anything without using acronyms, and an unwillingness to return phone calls or to comply with simple requests for information. It may be theorized that those suffering from ADDP have crammed so much information into the neural pathways that they are simply incapable of communicating with anyone who will not discuss signal transduction pathways or left and right axis cardiac deviations or the differences between the VPM (ventral Posterior medial) nucleus of the thalamus and the VPL (ventral posterior lateral) nucleus of the thalamus.

Current treatment for BPDMS involves having the affected student/patient watch House and Grey’s Anatomy with their fellow students and attempt to diagnose the disorder of the week before the TV docs do, thus establishing a somewhat false sense of calm that never the less relieves the overwhelming sense of panic. Experimental doses of Mango ice cream have not had beneficial affects above that of placebo and have demonstrated adverse side affects such as the excess deposition of adipose tissue on the hips and abdomen. Further studies to follow.

posted by Sa @ 4:14 PM